Blogger’s Enui

Enui
[On-wee] = a feeling of listlessness and dissatisfaction arising from a lack of occupation or excitement.

I’ve been putting off writing a blog post like this, because I wasn’t sure how to articulate the way I’ve been feeling the last few months, particularly in respect to the idea of writing, blogging and the idea of how I see myself as a social presence, compared to how I actually do come across. It’s not exactly a confidence issue I’m having, but more a sense of question of wanting more satisfaction – can I do more with my blogging (especially since it was always meant to be a stepping stone to kickstart me into writing novels some day) and how do I change my feelings of boredom?

Part of the problem feels like there is too much time-wasting on social media – as much as I love Instagram, Snapchat, Facebook and random other apps, they seem to over-expose us to the random, everyday things which feels like it’s okay to celebrate and accept the mediocre. So I guess that it’s led to me feeling a little complacent – wanting to do more yet being lazy and not pushing myself enough.

Another part is that I am my own worst critic – I hate everything I write, or I have lots of ideas which turn into something else when I finally put pen to paper (or fingers to keyboard!) which can be off-putting. I can certainly think of several blog posts, short stories and even a novel idea I have abandoned because I didn’t know where to continue them or wasn’t happy with them.

In contrast though, when I don’t blog or write, I feel a little guilty. I know I’m not the only one, my sister has said she shares the same feeling as me sometimes – it feels like I should be utilising my free time and doing something productive such as blogging, crafting or doing something creative when in reality I end up doing something menial. I think part of this comes from my life-long ambition to be a writer, which I have wanted to be since I was a child, so it feels like I’m not doing the best I could be.

I’ve spoken to my husband about this a few times – how I used to blog nearly every day about very random things in the past because it felt like I had more time and ideas (and enthusiasm), and in comparison now, it feels like I don’t have anything interesting to write about, or I just can’t be bothered. His suggestion was take a break and look back at why I started blogging, immerse myself in the things I love and perhaps go back to basics. I can definitely see this as a place to start, but I don’t think I could go back to the style I have stuck to in the last few years – it’s boring, random and not necessarily engaging in the way I want it to be. Perhaps it is that as I get older my priorities and interests have evolved, and also the fact that I feel that I have become more sensitive and aware as I go along – I pay attention to more politics and current events than I used to, my job has more of an impact on my personal life, and the things I look for when reading online and looking for ideas are now different.

I thought I’d approach this one step at a time – write down ideas and see where they go. One thing which I have started doing which has helped so far, is writing down ideas as I get them and then stewing on them – it means that I don’t forget interesting ideas which come to meย and also gives me a chance to think about how to follow the idea, where it will take me and even if it’s worth spending my time on.

I’m still re-examining what I want to prioritise and I’d like to do when I do blog – in the past I’ve put random visual pictures every day which I love, but over time I am beginning to appreciate quality over quantity. I’d also appreciate advice given – especially if it’s something you can relate to (I’m aware #bloggerproblems is such a first-world superficial problem, but we all have our issues!)

I’m hoping that in the run up to the end of the year and New Years holidays, I’ll have more time to spend on these things (plus more on drawing!) which I can develop – hopefully as I progress it’ll show : )

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6 thoughts on “Blogger’s Enui

  1. Assalam-alaikam,
    I definitely agree with my brother-in-laws advice to: take a break and look back at why I started blogging, immerse myself in the things I love and perhaps go back to basics.
    This is something I did recently as well as re-visiting my intention behind starting blogging which has always remained consistent. The break from blogging and going away to do something else, has certianly put the wind beneath my sails again.

    I have written along similar lines before:
    2010 – http://www.happymuslimah.com/2010/03/blogging-observations.html
    2011: http://www.happymuslimah.com/2011/07/writers-block.html

    On more thing, I came across this many years ago and totally agreed with it:
    https://www.tartx.com/blog/blogging-without-obligation/
    I have used it as a guideline and it helps me to feel much better and much more in control about blogging, worth a look I think.

    xxxxxxxxx

  2. Hello! I came to your blog from your sister’s (happy Muslim mama) which I absolutely love. I really enjoy reading your posts too and read them regularly, but have to say (in a totally positive way) that the posts of yours which I’ve enjoyed most have been your kind of personal-account stories (like this one, your hijab story etc).
    I myself have tried to blog loads of times and always find myself coming across sort of sickly sweet or twee which is never my intention!
    I’ve done writing classes for a while and they talk about finding your “voice”, which sounds a little cringey, but actually think it’s true, as I’ve really struggled to put my thoughts across on paper. Like you, I love reading, writing and art, and feel like I should be able to communicate my thoughts, but find it difficult especially as my own opinions have evolved through my 20s.
    Anyway what I’m trying to say is that (IMHO) I think your “voice” really comes across in these more serious stream-of-consciousness posts…reading it feels like you’re talking to me as opposed to something more impersonal ๐Ÿ™‚
    I really admire that you blog as much as you do and look forward to lots more…it will be a New Years resolution for me (again!๐Ÿ˜ณ)
    Aisling

    1. I COMPLETELY AGREE. It’s a bit difficult for me to find my voice when writing, especially when I’m self-conscious and also worry about coming across as too silly or cute – exactly what you’ve said.

      I also agree that I get more response and engagement with my serious posts, which has made me realise I should spend more time on things which have more relevance thank random things!

      Thank you for dropping by, and thank you so much for the supportive comments x

  3. I agree with how you feel, it’s a lot more difficult to find yourself devoting your only ‘you’ time to blogging, when the rest of the world can be so draining. I’ve also experienced starting blog posts and simply not finding the motivation to continue, and it’s not because the post has no significance to me, but simply because the other overwhelming factors in my life often takeover and I project those emotions when it comes to blogging. In fact, I’ve always felt like my posts were the way I could work through my procrastination and lack of motivation, and perhaps we just need to reconnect.

    I really enjoy reading your posts, and they’re something I’m constantly looking forward to! Keep going, you’re a voice which I love hearing ๐Ÿ™‚

    1. Yes, definitely – it can be difficult to best articulate the way I feel through blogging sometiems when I feel drained at the end of the day, or when I’m not motivated enough. Having said that I do have random bursts of inspiration, so hopefully that will help!
      Thank you for reading, its so lovely to hear that people understand what I mean!

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